Girls should come with a carfax report
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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