I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
