I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize