nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
