His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I spit up blood this morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout