I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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