Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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