I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
