Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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