Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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