...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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