THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
