if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
