I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
