I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize