no, he came in my armpit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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