He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vagina is officially offended.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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