I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
