we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
