it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
