U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
