You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
