I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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