She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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