So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize