I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love you.
Bad choice
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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