This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
