We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
