Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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