I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
