i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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