tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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