He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize