I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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