she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
