On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
