we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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