Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
40s are totally the cure
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
