We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
