She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
