My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
