i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize