You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
