She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize