I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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