I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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