have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
