my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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