i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
