Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
