Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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