I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
