It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
