omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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