So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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