areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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