Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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