it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
