I just made out with a guy for $7.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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