textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
