Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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