Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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