first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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