we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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