i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
