Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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