I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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