I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
