My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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