I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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