we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
