My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
