you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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