i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
