I accidentally burped into my bong.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want nice things and good sex
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
