Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
