You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
