So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
