My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
