I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
