i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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